![\"Denyse](\"\/f\/giphy "\\"Denyse")
There are plenty of good reasons why it’s hard to find friends later in life, but top of the list is that there just isn\u2019t enough time for everything at middle age. On average, we spend more than 40%<\/a> of our waking life working. For those with spouses or families, most of the leftover hours go to them. Any large group of friends you might have had diminishes significantly over time, as children grow up, loved ones pass away, and old friends fade with distance or unavoidable life changes. If you are over 40, chances are that you\u2019re spending more time alone<\/a>\u00a0year after year. By the time you pass middle age, alone is your default state.<\/p>\nApparently, Loneliness is Timeless<\/strong><\/p>\n In 2012, the New York Times ran an article called \u201cFriends of a Certain Age<\/a>\u201d, which discusses this very phenomenon. (They ran it again in December of 2016 because \u201cthe topic is timeless\u201d. You might live by yourself, but you\u2019re definitely not alone.) Ultimately, as the author Alex Williams notes, the trouble as we age is that we rarely meet the three conditions necessary to form intimate friendships: \u201cproximity; repeated, unplanned interactions; and a setting that encourages people to let their guard down and confide in each other.\u201d These are the sorts of qualities that make high school and college such a good time to make friends. Whether or not you miss those days, they are difficult to replicate.<\/p>\n All isn\u2019t lost, though. While Williams views technology as a screen onto which we project the illusion of friendship \u2014 what percentage of your Facebook friends or Twitter followers would drive you to the hospital in an emergency, for example \u2014 he fails to account for two major factors.<\/p>\n First, social media like Facebook and Twitter often aren\u2019t distinct communities but rather\u00a0networks predicated on a set of real world interactions. Basically, you’re friends with people you’ve already met in real life. This makes these social media\u00a0very good at reinforcing acquaintances\u00a0and very poor at pushing things further. However, social media and the technology behind them have moved beyond building webs of people we hastily promise to look up after an evening of shared shouting over bad bar music. It is now possible to form lasting friendships based on mutual\u00a0interests in a live \u2014 and technologically mediated \u2014 setting. This is the second factor: with live video, chat, and streaming, communication has only become more effective and intimate<\/a> across ever-wider channels.<\/p>\n Don’t Worry;\u00a0No One Thinks You’re a Millennial<\/strong><\/p>\n As mentioned earlier, the biggest complaints about making friends when you\u2019re older usually revolve around not having enough time. \u201cRepeated, unplanned interactions,\u201d as Williams describes them, are difficult to organize when you work all day and come home to family at night. Even if you’re older and your life doesn\u2019t have such demands, most of us haven\u2019t dedicated time to friendship building in decades. It can be hard to relearn. Technologies like live chat, especially around specific topics of interest, provide an opportunity to have those repeated, unplanned interactions with strangers who share an interest. Do it often enough and one day, they simply stop being strangers.<\/p>\n Another problem is proximity. When we age into and past midlife, our mobility decreases. Our bodies aren\u2019t what they used to be, we get sicker more easily, and transportation can be difficult to access for a multitude of reasons. Getting out of the house and to a bar is no longer a simple stroll down the street but a calculated (and tiring) endeavor. However, if you have a home computer or a mobile device, you have worldwide communities at your fingertips. Whether you\u2019re interested in in golf<\/a>, Game of Thrones<\/a>, soap carving<\/a>, or collecting samurai swords<\/a> from the Ashikaga Shogunate, there\u2019s a place for you, and it’s on your internet device. How\u2019s that for proximity?<\/p>\n This ability to present multiple versions of yourself is not dishonest, but rather self-fulfilling. You can be any and all the things that make up who you are. For those people you become close to, you can always offer more information and deeper truths. Speaking openly and listening to learn are both incredibly important when making connections online, and practicing these skills can build<\/a> all sorts<\/a> of meaningful<\/a> relationships. These skills also apply to\u00a0real life, if you find the time and energy to get out for an evening of mingling.<\/p>\n Worldwide Community In You Whether you\u2019re confined to your home because of illness, you\u2019re living in a foreign country for work, or you want to learn a new skill or experience another perspective or broaden your horizons in any way, online communities can provide the friendships that seem elusive or exhausing outside your front door. Services such as Paltalk<\/a>, Twitch<\/a>, and Quora<\/a> bring people together from all over the world based on shared interests. Each community is different. Across thousands of chat rooms, live streams, and forums, you can talk politics, practice another language, watch your favorite stars, or simply listen to music. You can tailor your own experience, finding the groups that are right for you and\u00a0making connections based on passions rather than convenience.<\/p>\n Live communication, whether it be text chat or video streaming, is crucial to the modern community. Being able to share not just an interest but a specific moment \u2014 an inside joke, a hot take, a cool tune \u2014 creates the very \u201cunplanned interactions\u201d that help build friendships. Finding those friends online also means you can be whomever you wish while still sharing your authentic self. And as for proximity, there\u2019s nothing closer than a mobile phone in the palm of your hand.<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n Have a story you want to tell about friendships you made on Paltalk? Email julia@paltalk.com<\/a>\u00a0with the subject “Paltalk Friendships” for a chance to see it featured. Follow us on Facebook<\/a> and on Twitter @Paltalk<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Let’s be honest. Getting older can be lonely, especially if you live by yourself. Maybe you’ve had a loss recently, or the kids have all moved out, or you’ve finally retired and have too much time on your hands. Worst of all, it feels like you haven’t made a new friend since you were thirty.There are plenty of good reasons why it’s hard to find friends later in life, but top of the list is that there just isn\u2019t enough time for everything at middle age. On average, we spend more than 40% of our waking life working. For those with spouses or families, most of the leftover hours go to them. Any large group of friends you might have had diminishes significantly over time, as children grow up, loved ones pass away, and old friends fade with distance or unavoidable life changes. If you are over 40, chances are that you\u2019re spending more time alone\u00a0year after year. By the time you pass middle age, alone is your default state.All isn’t lost, though.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[14],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4803","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-for-fun"],"yoast_head":"\n